Yet More Heartbreaking Losses

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room,
I am the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
-Mary K. Frye (1932)

Magic & Poppy

Magic
I knew your time had come when you hadn't moved much today, I dearly wanted to let you into the garden but following your 'fit' I was so scared it would happen again.

I didn't want to loose you before I was ready

The spark had gone out of your beautiful brown eyes I knew you were asking to go, you wanted to be re-united with your brother Peaches and Smokey, your much adored partner.

I spent the afternoon lying on the floor in tears just watching you sweet boy

You were coughing and sneezing, wiping your nose trying to dislodge those vile lesions

I knew it was over for you when you refused your tea, desperately I tried to hand feed you them but you pushed me away, I offered you grapes, something you love but you didn't want to know, the same with your favourite herb Parsley

You fought me when the time came to put you in the carrier.

You fought at the vets leaping into my arms so I could hold you close, whispering your ear, I told you I loved you with all my heart, that it was time for you to leave us, you needed to be free with out pain and the itchiness, you needed to be back with Smokey and I pray that he was waiting to welcome you on your arrival

We've had tough times where we didn't have much but the basics but you never stopped loving me, all you ever wanted was a warm bed, good food and the love of your Mum

I'm so sorry I couldn't stop the itching completely, you tore at your fur so much your tummy, back legs and bottom were almost bald, you had rings of missing fur round both your front legs

Just Monday the vet said the lesions were receding, I was overjoyed, hoping we'd turned a corner, and that you were both going to make it, but something changed that day in the vets, I think you knew you weren't going to make it young man, you withdrew into your shell, concerning me greatly but you carried on eating and nipping me

You're all together now, hutchmates together forever, brothers and sisters back together

I'll miss you so much, you survived Coccidiosis at a young age, you grew into a beautiful young lad, handsome, gorgeous and sexy and you knew it.

The place is dreadfully empty without you and Poppy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poppet

Formally named Poppet as you were just like one when you were small, but always known as Poppy, Pops, Pop Tart and even Pop Star.

Now to be eternally known as Angel

My fiesty little lady, now re-united with your identical twin brother Smokey

Always the biggest girl in your family, you took after your Mum in size.

You, Honeysuckle and Hazel were always called the witches when you lived together, you were always trying to escape, we used to threaten to nail you all to the floor but we laughed at you, I smothered you guys in kisses.

We lost Honey and I moved Smokey in with you and Hazel, Hazel wasn't happy so she moved out and in time back with her twin brother Lucky

You and Smokey were incredibly happy together, family bonds were amazingly strong between you guys.

I planned to bond you with Silver, Minstrel, Spookie, Magic and Bandit, but I was scared to bond two boys, Magic did it for me by jumping the divide into your half, Him and Smokey got on like a house on fire, you came to adore Magic too.

You three became hutchmates and joined the big group to form the big six, lovingly known as the big six I spent hours lying in the mud with you guys, taking photo's and generally being nibbled.

You never went far from Magic or Smokey's sides, first into the food and last to leave, first into the hutch at night as well.

I trained you three to return home for the night when I whistled, I was so proud of you.

My heart soared when I ever I watched you playing with the others, you always seemed to be smiling.

I dont know if it was your time Pops, but I know you wouldn't have done well without Magic by your side, you gave each other a reason to go on. Letting you go as well was the hardest thing I've ever done, I'm still questioning whether it was the right thing to do, my heart says you should still be here but my head says it wouldn't be right to keep you going for me

I'm so sorry I couldn't save either of you, I wasn't here for you when you got ill but you were in my arms when you left.

You don't choose to be caged and the greatest gift I can give you is to be there with you for your final journey

Minty and Spookie know you've gone and that something is, wrong, they look so down they don't want to return home for the night.

The big six is no more, first Silver fell out with Spook and had to leave the group making you the big five, now three of the most important members have gone

Poppy you made it to three years old, three very happy years I've had with you.

Magic you only made two years seven months but they were amazing years with both of you.

I'll miss you both so much, so much I can't see the way forward right now, but I know I have to go on for the rest of our family.

What would happen to them if I left them? They need me and I need them.

I'm a complete mess, I'm pretty sure you're both laughing at me up there.

I've never cried so much as I have today, I couldn't speak when we went into the vets, one look at the vet and I was in floods of tears.

Now you're both gone I just want to die, I can't take loosing all three of you this month.

You were both so ill yet I want to remember as you were, smiling happy buns full of life and love for your Mum and the others.

"If Tears could build a Stairway

And Memories a Lane

I'd walk right up to heaven

And bring you home again"

I love you both so much, so much it hurts

 always

Your devastated and heartbroken
Mum
xxxx